No pants: A partial list of arguments I’ve lost

stormtrooper-no-pants

A partial list of the reasons my children have given for not wearing pants and the irrefutable logic they’ve used to shoot down my rebuttals.


 

Kid: It’s raining outside.

Me: I know. That’s a good reason to wear pants.

Kid: That’s a good reason to wear shoes.

 


 

Kid: It’s too hot.

Me: It’s not too hot.

Kid: It’s too cold.

Me: It’s not too cold.

Kid: So why do we need to wear pants?

 


 

Kid: But my undies are so cute!

Me: Nobody’s going to see your undies.

Kid: So can I take them off too?

 


 

Kid: I want to wear sister’s/brother’s/Mom’s/Dad’s pants instead.

Me: But sister’s/brother’s/Mom’s/Dad’s pants don’t fit you.

Kid: I’ll just wait until I grow.

 


 

Kid: They are fuzzy.

Me: They aren’t fuzzy.

Kid: They are scratchy.

Me: They aren’t scratchy.

Kid: They are scratchy-fuzzy.

Me: I hate pants.

Kid: Me too.

 


 

Kid: They don’t match sister’s pants.

Me: Sister isn’t wearing pants yet.

Kid: [Silently nods.]

 


 

Kid: I just don’t like you!

Me: What does that have to do with your pants?

Kid: They don’t like you either!

 


 

 

Kid: But sister not wearing pants.

Me: Yes she is. See? [Turns to see sister with pants on, watching us and smiling sweetly.]

Kid: No, she not wearing pants.

Me: Yes, she is. Put your pants on.

Kid: Sister not wearing pants!

Me: For crying out loud, she is too! It took me ten minutes of fighting but at least one of you is wearing pants like a good little girl. Look at her! [Turns to see sister has taken pants off and has placed them on her head.]

Kid: Can I have a hat too?

 


 

Kid: I have to put my shoes on first.

Me: You won’t be able to get your pants on if you put your shoes on first. So put your pants on.

Kid: That’s taking the easy way out.

 


 

Kid: People don’t have to wear pants.

Me: Yes, people do. It’s proper.

Kid: But Adam and Eve didn’t wear pants.

Me: Well, that’s true, before they ate the fruit. But then they realized they were naked and needed clothes.

Kid [quietly and with eyes closed]: I don’t realize I’m naked…

 


 

Maybe this is why we actually built that fence.

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about-ycd-author
I look like this most of the time.

I’m a father of four kids under the age of 5, husband to my greatest blessing, and a reborn-a-couple-of-times Christian. Professionally I'm an editor, writer, and creative consultant, but my real job is trying to be a better husband and father. I started YCD because fatherhood is really damn hard, and we don’t talk about that enough. Let's change that.

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