Young Christian Mom and I spent a few days in Portland to attend the first Canvas Conference. The conference was put on by Humble Beast and Western Seminary, and I think most people walking away from it would call it a success. (We’ll get into my thoughts on the conference itself in a later post.)

There were many speakers and just as many performers. Seriously: spoken-word artists, musicians, poets, more musicians, writers, and some more musicians. And many of those performers were very, very loud. Insanely loud. Rock concert loud and then some.

Duh: The conference was co-organized by a record label. Of course there’s loud stuff.

Not-so-duh: There were several infants in attendance.

Surprised? Don’t be. In the months leading up to the conference it was quite clear that their target demographic was older-millennial creative types. Exactly the kind of people whose children, if they had any, would likely be very young—possible even too young to be left with a babysitter.

Once the conference began it was clear they’d filled the seats with their target audience.

(Side note: I’ve never seen so many twenty-something, white, bearded men with glasses in one location. Good thing I’m not twenty-something anymore.)

And just as clear was that they weren’t all alone. The first time I stepped out of the main venue to refill my water bottle I took Fourth Corder with me and ran into a young mother carrying her 11-month-old in a pack. We chatted briefly. An hour or so later YCM and I ran into another mother with a baby, this one three months old. Soon we saw another couple with their infant.

Without specific prompting, all these littles and their parents congregated (ha!) in one corner of the church lobby where it was somewhat quieter and cooler—the better for feeding and walking them to sleep.

Gathered from conversations with those parents, here’s how to survive an incredibly noisy venue for twelve hours a day while taking care of an infant.

1. Bring ear protection. We borrowed a pair of these Baby Banz earmuffs to prevent blown eardrums. Fourth Corder didn’t mind them much and they stayed on even while she was in the pack. Speaking of which…
2. Bring a pack. We’ve been borrowing an ERGObaby and quite like it. Another couple had the same one, while another had a Baby Bjorn (which I’ve used and didn’t care for). You should probably still stay out of the mosh pit.
3. Bring something the kid can play with but that makes little or no noise. Obviously this depends on the precise age of your kiddo. I recommend something relatively large or that can be attached to something else you own—your kid will drop whatever it is and there are few things more awkward than feeling around for something in a dark church and realizing you’re touching someone else’s foot. Ask me how I know.
4. Diaper up. You know your diaper packing routine and I won’t tell you different. Just bring it.
5. Charge your phone. Every conference on every topic in every city has a lack of outlets. And you will need your phone to entertain yourself, the infant, or both. (But please turn off the ringer or I will cut you.)
6. Water, snacks, etc. It is going to be a long day, and if you’re not within a very short walk of family-friendly eateries, you’ll be spending some time on the conference center lawn to refuel.
7. Spend some time on the conference center lawn. It’s good for you and your small human.
8. Understand it’s going to be a pain in the ass and you’ll probably miss important sessions and opportunities to network, etc. That’s the reality of having a small kid at a conference. The sooner you accept the truth, the better time you’ll have.
9. Understand that 279 people will come up and ask you how old your baby is and what his/her name is. Bonus points if you give each of them a different answer. By the end of the second day, Fourth Corder’s name was Ludmila and she’d just graduated from 8th grade.
10. Find the other parents.

Dads, if you’re going with your spouse/partner/baby-mama/legal guardian of your child, please do your part: Carry the kid, entertain the kid, takes notes while your s/p/b-m/lgoyc is out of the room, and pay especially good attention when you do have the opportunity to listen to the speaker.

Anything tips you would add?